Feminism Is Stunting Career Growth
Secrets of Success
As a female with a successful career and opportunity for much progression in the Australian Construction Industry – a male-dominated industry, I implore you to brush your modern-day petty quims and focus on your independent self-progression.
As the sister of a male in a female-dominated industry and a mother who watched her child’s male daycare teacher cry in the playground, please stop marginalising men for contributing to the world being a better place with equality and functional male figureheads.
*Trigger Warning. Finish the article before judgment. Please and thank you.
The History of Feminism
I am incredibly grateful for those empowered women who came before me. That rose against a broken system to fight for our rights as women to exist in modern society outside of a household. No, I’m not talking about Barbie. I am talking about The Suffragettes, Gloria Steinem, Joan of Arc and Bell Hooks. The woman who stood up and said, "Enough is enough.” The women who, over a century ago, were tortured, burnt at the stake, thrown in jail and feared for their lives daily.
What modern society fails to see, or perhaps accept, is that we have won. As a female in a male-dominated industry, challenges remain. However, do you have the conviction and discipline to utilise these challenges as opportunities for your own personal growth? Or will you fall victim to the mentality and spite in response?
Do you know the labels?
In my life, I have had my fair share of misogynistic encounters. I have been asked for affairs to leverage my career. I have been belittled and overlooked in meetings and situations countless times due to my appearance and positive demeanour. I have been accused of “sleeping my way” to management positions. These views and requests were not isolated to males only. I have an even number of traumatic experiences from males as I do from females. My experiences have allowed me to mentor others experiencing these small-minded interactions. Not only from females, but I also have male friends who’ve confided in me about sexism, rape and mistreatment.Cruelty is not isolated to men.
I do not identify as a feminist. Are you so harsh as to label me a misogynist? Is that the only alternative?
I identify as an egalitarianist.
Everyone is the same to me.
We are all born with different ailments, abilities, capabilities, talents, and opportunities.
This is what makes us so uniquely beautiful.
The true journey in life is how we choose to act in response to those circumstances we are faced with. We should not fall victim to the labels society places on us.
The female who treated me so cruelly, well, they were better than I was. They had experienced something that others pitied: an eating disorder. So naturally, she was given a free pass to be cruel.
My ex-partner, I personally gave him the pass to treat me horribly. He was abused as a child, and in turn, my internal process understood that as “he wasn’t treating me as poorly as what he had experienced”.
Self-worth is attained through dismissal of the labels society places on us.
Grand movements, such as the Feminist Movement and Black Lives Matter, are imperative to the unionisation and acceptance in society. Knowing that we are all one and magnificent for our differences, without empowering them to define us. I have attended many motivational discussions with activists with different opportunities presented to them at birth. The common theme I have noticed is:
acceptance and an unwillingness to let those capabilities define their experience of life.
When you experience the worst of people, your perspective shifts to understand that our responsibility lies first and foremost with our own safety and protection. How do I best utilise a circumstance to gain safety and protection?
Either,
I remove myself to ensure my mental and physical health remains sound.
I listen to my instincts, the experiences I have learnt and practice them.
Or, do I use this circumstance as an opportunity to grow?
Self-Worth is Key
Opportunities for Growth
As a Yogi, I understand it is that I am constantly given growth opportunities.
Do I fall victim to anger, frustration, sadness, self-pity or loss of hope?
Sometimes.
It takes practice to cultivate discernment and discipline. Yogi acknowledges emotions. It is not the practice of pushing those away. It is in understanding them, noticing them and not letting them control the outcome.
Your mind is an incredible tool.
In practising discipline and discernment, your reaction can alter the outcome as it is currently presented to you. That is the only control we have in this life.
A strong focus on issues such as your perceived missed opportunity and blaming factors involved limits your possibilities for potential growth.
Both as a person and towards the career goals you seek.
Before you jump to conclusions and judgment as to why you have been presented with this barrier, understand this.
A cultivated “victim mentality” justifies and defends your reactive behaviour.
This distraction lures you in. It disguises itself as activism or identifying a problem. Whereas, from the perspective of a professional woman who has overcome these mistreatments, I see that your focus lies in lack as opposed to determination.
Wait until the end, I am not saying there is no risk involved, and you needn’t worry about safety.
Perhaps you don’t see that aggressive responses will deter people, or you don’t recognise that how you dress is inappropriate. These are common and vastly opposing approaches to career progression. An aggressive response to compete with patriarchal masculinity can be received as entitled, unreasonable or difficult. Whereas, inappropriate dress for an occasion with too much tit shown could indicate disrespect for co-workers’ relationships and a lack of self-respect or confidence in cognitive abilities without the tit. Another example of inappropriate dress could be hand-knitted wool outfits, which could indicate frugality (highly inappropriate for a financial advisory position).
These judgements are not usually born out of a desire to suppress self-expression, but it is about a collective perception. It is about a workplace’s brand and image. Employee morale and individual satisfaction in both career progression and comfort in the workplace are imperative. However, have you ever paused to consider if you are the one making others uncomfortable? It is yourself that is doing you an injustice by “wearing what you want”, “expressing your opinions despite others” or “acting how you want”. Respecting others is what earns respect.
Expressing yourself at the workplace can be done through a multitude of appropriate ways. Decorations on the desk, expressive clothes within the company’s expectation, tattoos and hair expressions. Some companies absolutely need to loosen up, but those companies are dictatorships and need to be abolished.
On a darker note… *Trigger Warning
Disclaimer: This is not to be considered professional advice. It is advice I provided to a friend and colleague in my own professional setting to help protect their career and marriage. Seek professional advice if you have experienced harassment or abuse.
If You Experience Harassment or Abuse, Speak Up.
Whether in the workplace or at home, you should always respect yourself enough to speak up.
Being in any societal circumstance can lead to sexual abuse. IT IS NOT OKAY.
I implore you, like I did, to act now. Speak out. As many great women have done before us. It is a matter of self-worth, self-respect, and comfort in your surroundings. If you are uncomfortable, you can make a change. It could simply be to leave and look for another job. That may be your journey and path.
Your safety (physically and mentally) is more important than the job or relationship you have right now.
I have just recently had a male friend seek my guidance as a professional woman for sexual abuse in the workplace. He was being pursued aggressively and persistently by a female in a polyamorous marriage. After asking her to cease several times, he sought advice from a confidant.
The choice to make another uncomfortable through sexual or abusive pursuits reflects that individual, not a collective. It’s time to cease providing individuals with excuses for poor behaviour, regardless of gender.
Advice given to my friend:
Confide in a loved one. Someone you trust. Someone you feel comfortable with. This will help you process the initial emotions about the situation. That person’s reaction will give you an indication of what direction to take.
My own personal experience was disbelief.
They didn’t believe me. They told me I was in the wrong.
I’m here, telling you, if you experience discomfort or abuse - the kind that confuses you, you don’t know what to do or why it’s happening to you. That is when you act. Trust yourself.For a workplace, if possible, keep a written record. Text or email that person directly and ask that they cease their behaviour.
Maintain a journal, email your personal address or write the event in your work diary with times and dates. A simple transgression can lead to more serious offences in future. It is of utmost importance to build the foundation of defence. This will be the difference between “he said she said”.Tell your direct manager discreetly. A higher-level supervisor or manager that you know and trust.
Openly confide in them. Ask for their feedback. Request action steps to be taken.
Write all conversations/interaction summaries with a time and date and who attended (like a meeting) into a diary or journal.Keeping a record makes it a lot easier to defend and maintain your reputation and career aspirations. Hopefully, one day this won’t be necessary.
Formally report the indiscretions to Human Resources via email with the upper-level management and your personal email address included. By doing this, you are commencing a company investigation, and there will be consequences for both you and the person being accused. This is where all the evidence you have collected will be used. If the person is a client or customer, other forms of support should be provided.
For domestic violence victims, leave. You can do it. I did while 6 months pregnant with a 2-year-old.
If the situation is bad, remove yourself from it.
Run.
Don’t hesitate.
Living in your car - safe, is better than in an unsafe household. Sleep in the car park of a police station. Catch a bus to a police station as far away as possible and tell them you need help and want to leave. An officer cannot help you until you decide.
*Trigger: living on the streets with your children alive is better than being dead and leaving your children with them.
There is always a way.
For rape victims, go to a hospital immediately for a physical assessment and report the incident directly to the police.
Do not go home. Seek professional guidance.
The hospital will help calm your nervous system, contact your loved ones and protect you.
If it were at work, F*** the company at that point.
That is a human injustice, not a workplace harassment case. Hospital first and professional advice.
If this has already happened in the past. I encourage you to seek professional guidance from a Police Officer, Doctor, Counsellor or Psychologist.
Holding in that pain will eat away at your mind, body and soul. Seek professional support in working through those betrayals of humanity.
